15 Mar Tamarra uses cycle know-how to strengthen her marriage
Hormonology Helped Her
As part of the series, “Hormonology Helped Her”, I’m interviewing Hormonology fans to find out how they use the knowledge about their hormonal effects in their everyday life.
If you have a story to share and would like to be interviewed, email me!
Tamarra uses cycle know-how to strengthen her marriage
For Tamarra Kebbeh, her premenstrual phase was always the worst because her mood sunk so sharply. “I would get hateful. Just mean!” she tells me.
Tamarra was willing to put up with the mood issues while she was single, however, once she tied the knot, she realized she needed help understanding these premenstrual mood changes for the sake of her marriage. “My husband would tell me, ‘You’re usually so sweet, but then it’s like a switch is turned on and suddenly you don’t love me anymore.’ It got so bad that divorce was a real possibility.”
So, the 41-year-old mom of one from DeSoto, Texas went online in search of answers. That’s when she discovered MyHormonology.com and read about how her hormones impact her mood all cycle long—and, most importantly, how plunging estrogen during her pre-period days was triggering her irritability.
While Tamarra was initially seeking information to understand her moods, she was surprised to learn that her hormones were impacting another key area of her life: Her desire for physical intimacy with her husband. “There were times when I thought I was experiencing some kind of sexual dysfunction because I felt dead down there. But, then my sex drive would return out of the blue. I had no idea it had anything to do with my cycle!”
Now Tamarra finds out all she can about how her hormones impact her throughout her cycle. She downloaded my Hormone Horoscope App and reads her Hormone Horoscope every day. “I literally plan my life around it! If someone asks if I want to do something, I immediately pull up the weather app and the Hormone Horoscope App to find out what to expect for that day. This way, I’ll know if I’m going to be feeling tired and like a homebody or be energetic and social.”
Tamarra uses all this information about her hormones to strengthen her relationship with her husband and schedule intimacy so they can both take advantage of the best days in her cycle for sex.
Read on to find out how all this cycle know-how this has made Tamarra and her husband so much happier….
What did you know about the hormonal effects in your cycle before Hormonology?
I had practically no knowledge. Estrogen and progesterone were just words I’d heard. Testosterone was something I thought was only made in men; I had no idea my body created it. I had no idea how these hormones behaved through my cycle.
In school, we learned the basic, broad-stroke information on menstrual cycles, like that we shed our uterine layer. That was it.
My mom would blame problems she had on hormones. She had endometriosis and had a hysterectomy in her early 40s. When she had issues, she would say, “Oh, it’s hormones!” But, she didn’t say specifically didn’t say how or why.
How did the hormone information you learned from Hormonology change how you feel about your monthly cycle?
I wouldn’t use the word “hate”, but I certainly disliked my menstrual cycle. It was one of those things where I enjoyed being a woman—except for this. I had no appreciation for it. If I had been offered a hysterectomy to get rid of all my premenstrual problems, I would have done it.
But, finding the Hormone Horoscope App gave me an understanding of my cycle, of what it’s all about. Now I don’t dislike it anymore. It’s not the thing I dread. It just is what it is. And after going through pregnancy and delivery, I understand its purpose. Now when I get my period, after having been pregnant, it’s like, “Whew! Thank the Lord it came this month!”
I would say that even with little changes that go on during the month—the ups and downs—I wouldn’t get rid of it now that I understand it. And, understanding it helps me try to manage it: I now know the importance of hydration, sleep, watching what I eat. When I’m craving French fries or burgers, I’ve gotten to the point where I let myself indulge sometimes and I’m okay with it. I’ve learned it’s about balance. If I try to deprive myself, it completely backfires.
Has learning about your hormones had an impact on others around you?
It’s really affected my relationship with my husband. For a week or two before my period, I felt like my mind was out of control. My emotions were all over the map. I’d have mood swings. I would tell my husband I don’t know why I’m this way, but if we can understand it, maybe it could help our marriage.
Once I learned what was going on, I told him, “This isn’t a reflection of me, this is a reflection of what I’m going through.”
Now I tell him regularly where I am in my cycle. The Hormone Horoscope App also gives him a heads-up about what to expect. Everything that’s described in it is me to a T. It’s helped him to know when I’m going to be irritable or tired. If it did not save my marriage, it certainly has helped it make it a whole lot better.
Knowing about my hormones has also affected our sex life. For a long time, I thought I had some kind of orgasm dysfunction. My husband is my first and only long-term relationship. The reason I mention this is because it was the first situation where I was able to pay attention to how sex feels on a recurring basis. So, whenever we we’d have sex and I couldn’t reach an orgasm, my mind would immediately go to, “Oh my gosh, something’s wrong!” even though it wouldn’t be an be ongoing issue. I wasn’t putting it all together.
So, that orgasm problem would be for the whole week, then the next week I was able to have an orgasm again. It didn’t register in my mind this was something going on in my mind or body. I honestly thought that something was wrong with me.
I went online to look for for “loss of libido” and “can’t orgasm”. Then, I started to notice it’s cyclical. It’s happening on a regular basis. There’s a pattern to it.
Then I got the Hormone Horoscope App and saw how my hormones affect my ability to orgasm during my cycle and thought, “Oh, this is what’s happening! And, this is exactly how it happens with me!” My first week, no problem. My second week, no problem. My third week, flatline. It might not be impossible, but it takes a lot more work. All this time, I thought it was dysfunction.
I do think it’s interesting that even though there are all these other times when you’re able to orgasm, those few times you can’t, you’re suddenly thinking, “Oh my gosh, there’s something wrong! I’m never having an orgasm again!” Now I understand it and know to prepare for it.
And, I know how to prepare my husband for it, too. When we’re having sex in Week 3, I tell him it’s not you. Just be prepared for me to not orgasm.
I’ll also prepare him for days when I know I can orgasm. My husband is a truck driver who works for himself so he can set his own schedule. So, I’ll say, “I’m on my period right now. If you’re thinking of going back out on the road Monday or Tuesday, I’ll be honest with you: I’m reaching the end of my Week 1 and Week 2 is coming soon, so please don’t be gone too long because you know how fussy I get!”
We both now know this is when my sex drive will be high, so we’ll plan that he’ll try to come home during this time. Then, he can schedule more work and be on the road during my Week 3 when it takes forever to orgasm. And, then he knows to come back during Week 4 because I’ll be raring and ready to go again!
Have you had any other insight as a result of learning more about your cycle?
One thing I’m personally working on is awareness. What I mean is sometimes women, especially women who are working or taking care of kids, get so wrapped up in our responsibilities that were are not embracing our libido and beauty of the sexual experience. It’s not just about your husband or whomever you’re with. It’s about your enjoyment as well.
What is something that you want other people to know about the hormonal effects in their cycles that you think is important?
If we’re not going to offer hormone cycle education as part of the curriculum at school, then at certain age we should take our daughters to the gynecologist to get information. Or there needs to be better education somewhere. Because I promise you that when I learned about my menstrual cycle, we didn’t even touch the surface: you get periods, your uterine lining sheds so you can have a baby. We didn’t talk about PMS, how you change from week to week. None of that was discussed. And with the Internet and so much information out here, we need to encourage women to share, share, share. Tell your female friends to download the Hormone Horoscope App. If they have daughters, tell them to download the Hormone Horoscope Teen App even before they have a period. This way, they know it’s normal, it’s okay, they’ll understand what’s happening. Share, share, share!
Are you like Tamarra and want to learn more about how your hormones impact your mood, libido and ability to orgasm for your benefit as well as your partner? Start with my easy overview of the female cycle, then download my free Hormonology ebooks (they’re short and easy to read!), then download my free Hormone Horoscope App Lite (which gives you a daily short summary of how your hormones will be impacting you) or download my Hormone Horoscope App Pro (which gives you a much more detailed account of how your hormones will be impacting you every day).
Sign up for my free Hormonology newsletter so you can find out about new Hormonology tools, my forthcoming books and get other tips!
Never miss a Hormonology tip!
Subscribe to the free Hormonology newsletter:
I’d love to learn more–sign me up!