Hormonology uses hundreds of scientific studies to show you how your hormones impact you in virtually every way every day of your monthly cycle. The Hormone Horoscope is a nifty little way of dispensing this information daily. To get started, find the week you’re on in your monthly cycle (you can use this easy guide if you’re not sure), then read your Hormone Horoscope for today!
Which week are you on in your monthly cycle? Find out what it reveals about what your day has in store:
Day 1 (first day of period) to Day 7
Today’s Hormone Horoscope: If its the first half of your Week 1, be prepared to spend more time in the bathroom: With progesterone hitting rock-bottom, the constipation and water retention you experienced during Week 3 and Week 4 of your cycle is lifted and, as a result, at times it could feel like a dam has been broken, giving you loose stool and making you urinate more frequently. (This would be a good time to stock up on toilet paper and those adult wet wipes no one can understand how we went so long without.) Thankfully, by the second half your Week 1, things should be leveling out so you’re not running to the bathroom nearly as often and can actually make it through a whole task without your bowel or bladder rudely interrupting you.
Day 8 to Day 14 or ovulation (here’s how to tell when you’re ovulating)
Estrogen and testosterone rise till they peak
Today’s Hormone Horoscope: You’ll likely be speaking a bit faster today thanks to high estrogen and testosterone, which amp up your verbal velocity. While most women will have no problem understanding you as you speak in your speedy pace, try to slow down a bit when chatting with men. Due to differences in the male brain, they can have a bit of difficulty keeping up.
Day 15 (or the day after ovulation) to Day 22
Progesterone rises; estrogen and testosterone drop for half the week, then estrogen rises again
Today’s Hormone Horoscope: Be prepared to make a few goofs today, for instance, putting your car keys in the fridge, calling up someone you meant to text or hitting “send” on an email before you were finished writing it. That’s because rising progesterone is making you feel sleepy, which can put you on auto-pilot.
Day 23 to the end of cycle
Estrogen and progesterone plunge
Today’s Hormone Horoscope: You may be tempted to take something someone says or does a bit too seriously today. The problem is that plunging estrogen is depleting your brain of feel-good endorphins and other chemicals that boost your mood and sense of humor, which can make you a tad cynical or dour.
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