Hormonology uses hundreds of scientific studies to show you how your hormones impact you in virtually every way every day of your monthly cycle. The Hormone Horoscope is a nifty little way of dispensing this information daily. To get started, find the week you’re on in your monthly cycle (you can use this easy guide if you’re not sure), then read your Hormone Horoscope for today!
Which week are you on in your monthly cycle? Find out what it reveals about what your day has in store:
Day 1 (first day of period) to Day 7
Today’s Hormone Horoscope: Once you’re past the achy, tiring part of your period, you’re going to be laughing more easily, for instance, you might chuckle at jokes on TV even though it’s a re-run you’ve seen 10 times before or the way someone says or does something might strike you as ridiculously funny. Thanks for the high humor goes to rising estrogen, which prompts a greater production of guffaw-inducing endorphins in the brain as it climbs.
Day 8 to Day 14 or ovulation (here’s how to tell when you’re ovulating)
Estrogen and testosterone rise till they peak
Today’s Hormone Horoscope: Watch your wallet, Week 2 gal: You may be tempted to blow your whole bank account on a big purchase today (like a new car, flat-screen TV or vacation) and convince yourself that you’ll cover the bills somehow. That’s because high estrogen is making you overly optimistic about how much money you have or will have in the future and high testosterone is making you impulsive, which is a perfect recipe for a fat commission check for any savvy salesperson who gets within 10 feet of you.
Day 15 (or the day after ovulation) to Day 22
Progesterone rises; estrogen and testosterone drop for half the week, then estrogen rises again
Today’s Hormone Horoscope: Careful when in bakeries, cafes, supermarkets and kitchens where someone is cooking something scrumptious. Recent research shows that the smell of delicious food ratchets up your appetite for high-fat treats during your Week 3, making doughnuts, cheese fries, croissants and other fatty favorites more difficult to resist. Blame goes to rising progesterone, which is a hormone that creates subtle changes to your sense of smell as a way to get you to up your caloric intake in case you got pregnant during ovulation at the end of Week 2. So, if you’re watching your weight or your health, either spend less time in food-scented places or do a lot more mouth breathing when in them.
Day 23 to the end of cycle
Estrogen and progesterone plunge
Today’s Hormone Horoscope: A friend asked me via Twitter yesterday if your premenstrual Week 4 and posting online about stuff that bugs you go hand in hand. Hoo boy, do they! Thanks (blame?) goes to plunging estrogen. As the level of this hormone drops, it reduces feel-good brain chemicals, making you more prone to focusing on the negative. On top of that, it’s putting you more in touch with the emotional right side of your brain, which makes channeling your thoughts and feelings through writing a bit easier. The result: A lot more folks reading about exactly how you feel about your boss, neighbor, frenemy or the cold plate of French fries you were served at the diner.
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